gazing sky to graze you

as i stop to listen to the heartbeat
of those i am expected to serve
and those connected to my life,
(marked only by that simple fact –
a geographical accident –
while some may suggest
a transcendental incident) –
i clearly fail to feel your feet

even as i habitually name you
in that absent presence
there are those who protest
and many more ignore
my naming that appears too comical

elsewhere, in my life, i see
those who came to defeat me
stand defeated
but i do not think victorious
in my mind that likes to shun pain
that can creep like a leech to suck
my blood until i fall dead
hence i refuse to praise you
considering that game so silly

so, i stand here early this dawn
gazing at an empty sky
grazing for a star, or a cloud pattern
in which i may sense you
that may lift my soul
and prompt my journey to continue
until i fall dead
or, cease to consume more emptiness

Note: I watered and waited for eight years to see these flowers - over fifty blooms -in my living room.