as i am

i come to you as i am

with all my inabilities to control my thoughts

with all my fears of future
with all my conflicts with arrogant men and women
with my limitations of language and logic
with all my inadequacies to influence even an ant

with my need to plead

to connect with the source of all life
with my desire to see you work
to justify and defend my cause

i close my eyes to behold you

i enter into silence to hear you

show me your face

speak to me your mind
provide me with a vision
that you provided the ancient prophets

i know that the call to the ancient prophets

came with a call to drink the cup of pain and suffering
if i need to drink that cup of pain and suffering
give me the strength to gulp it
and give me that poise
that comes from knowing for sure
that it is your will that i am ‘drinking’

and give me the words that is wisdom

to speak to others and self
with courage that is unbending
and peace from far beyond my universe

i am just a small man

a man from that insignificant town
with that little lake
and the little forest beside my home
the two sources
that shaped my early understanding of my world

now i stand before you

take me, shake me, and break me
i am yours
but give me that one lasting assurance
that i am yours
let me walk with that bold knowledge
of knowing that i am that clay in your hand

then i would cease to demand

the finished product i would want to be
for it is your being that matters me most