forgive me for seeking forgiveness

foolishly i feel guilty

and turn to you for mercy

and pardon in the past

many times

for sins of my adolescent

and youth-filled years

for wrongs

i was not responsible

but dictated and delivered

beyond my will

by the testosterone

or another hormone

deposited deep within self

forgive me now

for seeking forgiveness

and deny me help

if out of lazy foolishness

i turn to you

instead of investigating

deep within my body

and mind

the way to control

my urge

henry victor      22.02.2007

smashed soul

i make a mental note, or a verbal promise

then go and put off errands forgetting

my commitments like a potato to simply sit

not following through the unspoken word

or in haste spoken

though they still define

my being, my reliability

and soul’s integrity!

my following through, in fact

my negligence is also followed up

with greater care

now sitting on the throne

as judge with mitre on head

and fire underneath

to slice self before it is fried, or boiled

thoroughly before it is mashed

a verdict i may not cherish

looking for more energy to bury self               

as deep as i can so no gods may resurrect

to haunt, or hunt me

when i’m already burdened

with too many baggage

broken promises and unfinished tasks

to fly away, or to run and hide!

henry victor     09.08.2002

abyss

my wings faltered and into an abyss

i fell from where i saw a deeper hole
within the cave of my heart, and more
i lingered there, i saw more craters

bigger, creating a deep void within

and the more i pondered that hollow
within the more frightening it became
and the gulf outside too stretched afar

i thought then with what shall i fill

that chasm deep within my soul!
from that drift, an alienation i am
how do i free myself, my being?

henry victor     01.07.2002