self-seeking control

self-seeking people take control to control
those who believe in you with desire to serve
you and your creation, a precise contrast
to your letting go all management as Jesus

demonstrated years ago with his servant

services to his people!
but the controllers choke and strangle
me to death even when i let go all my control

the new Sanhedrin, here, also control

my letting go of all control so my dying, brutal
may prolong and my sleep flee not though i sleep
not in my bed, and my tears flow not

though my crying day and night cease not

curtailing all my creativity that freely flow
from the spring you set in in my first sleep
making me now sit beside the frozen Peace River

motionless with many unanswered questions

and doubtful support to increase inspirations
knowing not whether to journey into Golgotha
or that path to quit, walk away avoiding agony         `

 Note: Photograph credit to Mario Flores

schooling in diplomacy

i have often wondered why Jesus was not schooled

in diplomacy, nor his predecessors took that path
and whom you call to put your word in their mouth
never have the opportunity in art of tact to be drilled!

your providence, i know, have not failed to fill

in every brain the basic wisdom, the common sense
but will not your word make an easy and a smooth sail
if wrapped up well in that skilful human noose!

hence every prophet of yours walks into that Golgotha

bleeding and bleeding to death, an award you bestowed
on Jesus, that innocent man from the ancient Nazareth
who not only spoke your simple word but also lived!

 

a morning prayer

my mind is muddled as i turn

to you for a cuddle this morn
a mounting resistance to my ministry
among those you, to me, have entrusted

this opposition slows me down

that greater mission you implanted
in my heart prompting my praying
for clarity of vision and patience

i also pray for courage to speak

with control of tongue at all times
and to yield to the best in me,
enabling the excellent in others

i also pray for you to assist me

with angels that all drop defences
and begin to listen, to build the rule
of love in hearts of humans!

 

subtle presence

you remain hidden despite your omnipresence
and contain in ‘restrain’ your omnipotence
demanding from me a restrain from my revenge
even when i am pushed to the edge, the hedge

i, hence, now turn inward into my heart

to mend it to fill it with the gift
you offer your world, an unrestrained love
the magic wand to heal and to store in my cave

that single most miraculous power,

except when i am dictated by my pride,
works well in mending all that is wrecked
intentionally, or directed into by ignorance

i know my mind needs time to absorb this fact

and my body requires another set of days to act
until my spirit is filled with this charitable habit
and fragrance in my soul is nothing but this state

a simple pleading

in your world every victory

i see carrying a defeat
wanting more
and bringing more!

teach me, therefore, the art

of living beyond that triumph
that i may spend none to shun
a potential beat!

pack my mind with poise

that i may walk the foot
in silence, paying no notice
to the throbbing of heart!

fill my marrow with calm

that marks that distant cosmos
that i never yearn
to journey, nor to fix!

make my eyes blind

both to tumult and success, detachment
that my heart may cease
the craving for more to find!

 

feeling your feet falling

i stop to listen to the heartbeat

of those i serve, and those with whom
my life, due to a geographical
accident, is connected!

others, about this coincidence

suggest another perspective
calling, ‘a transcendental incident’;
but i fail to feel your feet, your pant!

as i, now, habitually name

you in your absent presence
there are those who protest
my naming as too comical!

many times in the past

of my life, i have seen defeat
of those who came to defeat
me standing defeated!

but i do not think victorious

in my mind inclined to shun pain
often, creeping like a leech to suck
my blood until i fall dead!

i stand here early this dawn

gazing at an empty sky grazing
for a star, or a cloud pattern
in which i may sense you

to lift up my drooping soul,

prompting my journey to continue,
until to you i return, or cease
complaining my emptiness!

 

death of the ego

the mud they draped on my body

has pricked and penetrated my ego
through my clothing and skin
confirming vulnerability of my soul!

hence i pray that you install

in me the mind of Christ
to let go all that comfort
i seek while against pain i rebel!

help me drop off those outer garments

in which i put too much trust
until i stand, nay, hang in my loincloth
and to you, my soul, i learn to entrust!

assist me also to let go my spouse

my best support, and daughter
my greatest joy, and cease
crying for ties that ties me tight to my world!

inspire me to plod ahead in my path

though this winds through Golgotha
to enliven that undying truth:
true life seldom un-embraces an ego’s death!

release me for sleep

i am tired, feeling drained

much talking and more silence
like Elijah, hence, i turn to you for you
to take me out of the world full of woe!

not that i detest hurt; but pain

with wisdom i lack in my hand
taking none to the target; and
miracle, i know, you decline!

winged angels, i feel

no more; if so, why not
to me you incline
ears, and let me to you go

for evildoers life is easy, i know

they are quick in wit
and spring from a hollow
soon to set up their might!

the stupid wretched

in your presence i am speechless

and my vocabulary, an empty cup, inadequate
to describe my view, and my concepts
of you falter to provide a handle

to deal with your splendid Being

so huge, too large for my puny mind;
hence, i sit still and in silence my soul
wonders, wandering into the Ocean, the Soul

but i am trapped in that cage i have built

carefully for years fifty and more eight
increasing my urge to cling to the un-cling-able;
rescue this wretched from the imminent death!

announcing your presence

your presence i seek beyond my thoughts

acknowledging your being, and i struggle
to connect also with your becoming
that is part of my own biography!

in my pain i see your pain; and in my joys

i enjoy your joys discerning and discovering
your faint presence wrapped up tightly
in my feeble presence that is spat upon

and trampled under the feet of those tall stout

and short and slim, the so-called elected
members of today’s Dunvegan  Sanhedrin
and i, now, wait for your risen presence

with patience and a new spirit of inquiry to walk

ahead beyond Golgotha into Emmaus to break
bread with Jesus for  my heart to glow and feel
a warmth as my tongue announces your presence!

 

clarified prayer

 

i now realize my prayers need

not only my emotion
but a precise word
with clarity of conception!

i pray, therefore, to you surpassing

the source of all my perception
and knowledge transcending
also my subconscious manipulation!

help me to accept my pain

with passion for folks
you have entrusted to my attention
failing not in my faith-walk!

my weightless, but bloated, ego

clings to me like a leech
as if in my journey through
Golgotha myself is the peak!

lack of trust in you often creeps in

like that serpent in the garden,
that mythical Eden,
to divert me from you, my vision!

 

precise dimension of pain

the road to Golgotha is rutted

and bumpy; but once i am there
i find the skulls flattened, and easy
the way forward!

i had seen this again, and again

both in the primordial crucifixion
of Jesus of Nazareth, and later
in the fate of his followers!

help me , i pray, to see pain

in its precise dimension:
the wellness it brings to my self
a weight loss, pricking my bloated ego!
 

keep my soul away from that sickness

that inflates my self-importance
prior to the wellbeing and authentic
need of the flock i am shepherding

inspire me with courage to prevent

that fatted sheep pushing around
preventing the lean to enjoy freely
the providence, the food in plenty!

 

keep plodding

i feel sick in my heart that those who align

not with those who crave for control
suffer most, with all
support removed too quick!

this was also in the case of Jesus of Nazareth;

i try hard but my mind is too bleak
to anchor my hope in a life
beyond the hillock of Calvary!

world, in any case, even my soul

keeps moving, changing and growing;
a way you take your people into an experience
of journey, a resurrection from death!

‘plod, and keep plodding’, to my spirit

i say, for that is the game
that you want me to play until my body
finally returns to his bed, the earth!

 

new flower to bloom

praying fervently for the women
walking to Golgotha in the valley of Dunvegan
i lift them up to your throne
as they weep and cry for your Son –

their sons and daughters crucified again

and again in that cross of convenience
to maintain control and influence
of the powerful, fewer names in the town

and villages around giving no chance

for a new flower to bloom
in the backyard of your temple
or in the valley spraying with venom!

give me grace never to disown

these simple women and their spouses
with children struggling like a hen
in the chicken pen with a weasel in!

 

breathe your breath

i pray you will breathe you breath

to strengthen my mental agility
even as i face my accusers, the bunch
ganged to remove me from my seat!

i have opted not to be dictated

or, directed by any other than your spirit
blowing where it wills gathering the small
and the wounded, healing them, your cause!

i am part of a crowd that lacking

this-worldly sophistication to manipulate
the forces that, eventually, write the right
recording the wrongs, changing events!

since the meek look up to me to fight

the arrogant men and women of this world
i, in my utter helplessness, lift
up my eyes, heavenwards to you!

as i turn to you for grace, my mind

sways like a pendulum, this way
and that way, first to your power that creates
the cosmos, recreating colour-filled morning

and evening amusing my eyes

then , at once, wander into Golgotha
he place of mere skulls
to reflect your powerlessness!

nevertheless i choose your breath
adding freshness to my soul
freedom to my spirit, refusing to bow down
to the insolent might!

 

 

 

birthing the bigger man

inspire me with your purpose

enabling me, my puny self
to hook onto an extraordinary project
breaking down and shattering

my little thoughts and my many bonds

that i may be bonded like a bonded slave
limiting my consciousness
refusing to expand in every direction

awaken in me those dormant forces

the faculties, skills and talents
remaining still sleepy, preventing
the birth of the bigger man

 

for my second chance

i dive into your being to drown completely

to submerge in the ocean of peace, tranquility
and the power of patience, perfect mercy
a second chance that is unending!

while sunken deeply in that becoming

that transforms and direct the ongoing
forms, events and meaning in your world
let me undergo a multitude of repentance

that scrubbing of my soul, my being

until my will is one with your will
and in me is born a new person
from above, born of water and spirit

rested on Jesus as he walked

out of the river Jordan!
let my mind think nothing but your thoughts
and speak nothing but your Word

the Energy creating and recreating

the world in decline and deterioration
and large scale destruction
of the un-renewable resources!

 

fear of my foe

my fear of my foe as i go on your business

that missioDei, ‘the Mission of God’,
they say, to which you picked me
even before my mother conceived me

a spotless soul in her womb, leaves me

helpless, clinging to my own self
like that canine couching in her own
warmth, refusing to pounce at encroachers

or, at least bark to keep them away;

this makes it easy for my enemy
to walk on my head
until i am dead to this world!

i turn, hence, to you, my sponsor and spouse

i struggle to please, as you become my companion
leaving me to the whims and fancies
of those prowling thieves!

 

 

minerals and snow

i need your grace for me to grow

like my cactus on my window
sill depend on the light of the sun
i let in pulling aside my curtain

i need an opportunity, on floor

sufficient soil me to stand, to show
my flower and fruit, to root at last
that i, your applause proudly harvest

i need also minerals and snow

for withering of body and brain
in my soul does not happen even
as i, my Master’s path, follow

i need someone to lift his brow

so others too may pause to glance
while your love i clearly announce
inviting others too with me to grow

 

unpredictable being that becoming

your unpredictability like the wind blowing

where it chooses to blow that i hear, clearly,
the sound on my body but not, plainly, knowing
where it comes, or whither her path would be

increases in my mind the sense of mystery

to surround you and your ways of dealing
in my world making my thought on eternity -
your unchangeableness - i received, a heresy

leaving me to wonder, and wander after you

like Moses journeying alone in Sinai wilderness
for so long before he gets a glimpse
of your being, energy in the burning bush

i, now, drive through the Albertan bush

seeking like Jonah, Jeremiah and Jesus
a restless rest that comes from resting in an endless
ever-expanding being, your unceasing becoming!

 

answered and unanswered prayers

you were there yesterday as i sat

at the edge of my wit and desperately cried
and today my those needs are met
with my faith in you multiplied!

again i am in your presence

knowing too well that i cannot put you
or, your providence to test but i’ve the awful
memory of all unanswered prayers!

teach me the art to live and feel your presence

though unseen, absent and place my confidence
in your providence to receive my daily bread
and more that i may cease to fret and frown!

Note: Photo credit to Mario Flores!

pleadings from a bleeding heart

i am tired and i need to sleep

but by sticking to the truth and equality
of all persons made in your image
i have lost that sleep that i long very much!

in this world money in wallet

with size and location of ones abode
determine the value of men
and women demolishing all your values!

hence i sit here tapping my keyboard

to utter my unutterable pleading
bleeding from my soul
that has been sold and sold to you!

how long and how long should i tap

before you open your ear, your heart
to let my cries reach your throne
to release some relief, that grace!

hasten, Oh God! hasten to re-make

your world, where men and women
of all status will enjoy that respect
we give to the throne we have built here!

 

perfectly still

i thank you, though it is a silly act

to praise the providence unlike the moon
in size and strength increasing and decreasing
but shines consistently like that mighty sun
unaffected by the drifting clouds
nor bullied even a bit
by the transient permanent change in season!

keep me away from running after success in personal

professional, or spiritual kind, uprooting from my soul
that weed, that inclination for sainthood
the tempter secretly sows in moments of my slumber!

assist me with your grace to be still, perfectly still

like that pond heron standing on one leg!
press me hard with pain, your grace until
in you i am well grafted
leaving behind, and loosing
from my mind the thought of my growth
or, that greater fruit bearing!